True Love Relationship Coaching

When I was 27 I divorced a good man for all the wrong reasons: mostly because I was young, dumb, had no faith in my relationship, and had no real relationship skills to speak of. Having made my choice, I began the process of seeking a man that would be right for me.  I thought I was ready for a relationship, so I dove right into the dating scene.

Back in 1994, the San Antonio Current had listings in its weekly publication for dating.  This was way before Internet dating made its debut.  I posted my ad saying that I was looking for a man who liked to dance. I had just discovered ballroom dancing and was eager to connect with someone who shared this passion.

One of the things I was determined to do was to understand what I wanted in a man.  I read Barbara de Angelis’s book Are You the One for Me? and created my Compatibility List, which is a great exercise in her book. I still recommend the book as the information is very helpful for people who want to get out and date again.

I struggled through several inappropriate relationships over the next few years, trying to make a square peg fit in a round hole because I did not want to be alone.  Even though I kept reading and learning, I was still making poor choices with the men I would date. I was taking dance classes, which I loved, and there were men I was interested in, but they never were the right ones.

It wasn’t until I found and read The Rules by Ellen Fein and Sherrie Schneider and Getting to “I Do” by Dr. Patricia Allen that I began to realize what I must do differently to change my behavior to attract the kind of man I would want to marry.  Some women don’t like The Rules. That’s all right. The book is about maintaining boundaries with men. Boy, did I need that!

Once I was able to set some personal boundaries, albeit imperfectly, I began to make better choices.  More importantly, once I understood that I must change my behavior, I began to transform how I thought about dating.  I slowly began to realize that it’s not about finding the right man. It’s about understanding my requirements and seeking someone who has the same requirements for a successful relationship.

The man I eventually married was a ballroom dancer.  I met him in one of my dance classes.  He was a Stephen Covey disciple.  One of the first gifts he gave me was a laminated copy of a summary of The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People that I could carry in my purse.  That may not seem romantic to you, but what was important to me was that this man believed in lifelong self-growth.  That and his dancing skills were two of the many things that attracted me to him instantly.

So after 4 years of searching and making bad dating decisions, I had met a man who met my requirements for a successful relationship.  Of course I married him.  We had our ups and downs as all couples do, but for the most part, we got along very well and we were truly in love.  Then in 2003 we attended a workshop with William Glasser, MD.  In this workshop Dr. Glasser talked about his book, Warning: Psychiatry Can Be Hazardous to Your Mental Health.  That day was life transforming for me as I learned about Choice Theory and how trying to control your loved ones will destroy your relationships.

I realized how very controlling I had been with my husband and I started to apply the principles of Choice Theory in my marriage. I began to tell people that Choice Theory saved my marriage. My husband, ever the gracious man that he was, denied that there was a problem with my behavior, but as I let go of my controlling behavior, I saw that he was able to relax more around me.

Sadly, my husband died in 2007 of kidney cancer that spread so rapidly that he wasn’t even able to begin treatment. I am happy for the years that we did spend together.  I really enjoyed being married and being with him.  I wish I had known about self-improvement and creating happy, successful relationships earlier in my life.  I believe that we are on a journey to become the best people we can be.  So I keep learning and growing even today.

If you’re wondering where the story ends, I did eventually pick myself and my life up and remarry.  I actually met and married a man I met online.  But that’s another story for another day.  Thankfully, I had the skills I learned and continue to learn to create yet another successful relationship!

I would love to teach these skills to you. If you’ve had a series of unsuccessful relationships, I can help you get it right this time by teaching you what you need to know to find, attract, and keep the man of your dreams. I want to give you my free report, “Why am I Still Single and What Can I Do About it? Ten Attitudes that are Keeping You From Finding Your Dream Man.”  You can find it here: http://www.trueloverelationshipcoaching.com/?page_id=59 PS. If you’re a man reading this article, you can also find reports on this page that are for both men and women!