Commitment to Mature Love

April 8th, 2010 |

Love is the ability to understand that in addition to “for better or worse” there is “for excitement and boredom.” Being married is often mundane, but loving that person you are with and being excited to see him/her every day is a wonderful thing and can be sustained indefinitely.

If you think that love is gone when you are “bored” then you don’t really get that love endures all sorts of stages. You may have actually spoken that trite phrase, “I love you; I am just not in love with you.” You may also be confusing love with lust.

Do you want love that endures? You can have it. You just need to adjust your attitude about love. Happy couples know that love goes through cycles and that even the best couples still have conflicts. Happy couples understand that “this too shall pass.”

Adjust your attitude about love:

Do you believe love is a feeling? Then I highly recommend Bill O’Hanlon and Pat Hudson’s book called Love is a Verb: How to Stop Analyzing Your Relationship & Start Making it Great. This book has wonderful, solution-focused exercises to help you change the way you interact with the one you love.

It is easy to harm your relationship by deciding that if you don’t feel loving toward your spouse, the marriage is doomed. However, if you are open to looking for the solution rather than focusing on who is to blame for conflict, you are going to rediscover the love you thought was buried and gone.

Love goes through cycles:

In your marriage you will find that sometimes you are madly in love with your spouse and other times you wonder why you ever said “I do.” Happy, successful couples understand these cycles and are not threatened by them. Most of the time these feelings of “Why did I marry her/him?” are fleeting. If they linger, successful couples deal with them. They look for solutions.

This too shall pass:

Whatever you are going through, be it financial hardship, trouble with children, interfering in-laws, changes in living situations, etc., happy, successful couples know that things change. Because they are serious about their commitment to their marriage, they know that at least they can count on the support of their spouse. Yet, sometimes, these couples still go through tremendous hardships. They are not immune to the terrible stuff ordinary couples experience. In these times, a sense of humor, the support of loving family and friends (and possibly a therapist or relationship coach), and a continued commitment to their marriage carries them through.

If your marriage is in crisis, check out Save My Marriage Now.

Tags: commitment, conflicts in marriage, love attitudes, marriage commitment

Heather

I just got a pretty good book called ‘Unhooked Generation’ which examines the problems GenXers have with marriage. I am beginning to understand the bigger picture when it comes to love and marriage.
http://www.trueloverelationshipcoaching.com Michelle Vasquez

Heather, that sounds like a book I need to read. Thanks for the recommendation. Michelle
http://www.tclehner.wordpress.com Tom Lehner

There is nothing more to say but WOW – so true. I always hear couples complaining about boredom, missing excitment and so on. Most use this as an excuse to cheat on their spouses (I did not get at home what I needed – ahh what do you need and what do you want???; and so on). Love can be easy kept alive by “together” rather than “next to eachother” by conversations about the important things rather than ranting, and so on. This is a great post, thank you again
http://www.trueloverelationshipcoaching.com Michelle Vasquez

You said it, Tom. If you are willing to remember the reasons you got together in the first place, the wild desire and intense love you felt, you can rekindle those feelings of passion and create a wonderful marriage all over again. That’s a big part of commitment.

Of course it takes some work. But what do you want? I would love to wave my magic wand and make it all better, but sadly, my wand is in the shop. OK, I’m jumping off my soap box! Thanks for your post, Tom.
http://www.deanbreaker.com/ Amy

You said it, Tom. If you are willing to remember the reasons you got together in the first place, the wild desire and intense love you felt, you can rekindle those feelings of passion and create a wonderful marriage all over again. That’s a big part of commitment.

Of course it takes some work. But what do you want? I would love to wave my magic wand and make it all better, but sadly, my wand is in the shop. OK, I’m jumping off my soap box! Thanks for your post, Tom.
http://www.trueloverelationshipcoaching.com Michelle Vasquez

Amy, I love it! My magic wand is just for show. I appreciate your comments. Michelle
http://www.dancepropaganda.com/ Don

There is nothing more to say but WOW – so true. I always hear couples complaining about boredom, missing excitment and so on. Most use this as an excuse to cheat on their spouses (I did not get at home what I needed – ahh what do you need and what do you want???; and so on). Love can be easy kept alive by “together” rather than “next to eachother” by conversations about the important things rather than ranting, and so on. This is a great post, thank you again

True Love Relationship Coaching

Commitment to Mature Love