Love Stoppers: I’m Too Independent

May 13th, 2010 |

Love Stoppers are limiting beliefs that keep you from finding and keeping love. They are the viruses that infect your mind, making all of your positive affirmations ineffective until you get serious and make the decision to get rid of them.

The Love Stopper for this article is “I’m too independent and set in my ways.” If you are an older single or you have been single for many years, you have naturally developed a lifestyle and habits that you have grown comfortable with. Yet you still yearn to share your life with someone. Can you see how this belief is limiting your ability to find that special someone?

You may give lip service to concepts like “compromise” and “make adjustments” telling your friends and family,

“I know I have to compromise to make a relationship work.”
“If I want to live with someone, I will have to make adjustments.”

Usually, right after you make these statements, you follow up with,

“I dread the thought of having to share my space with someone.”
“I cannot imagine having to do things differently than I do them now.”
“I cannot stand someone in my space.”
“I value my privacy.”

My question to you is this: What do you really want? If you say you want love but your actions and your words say you want to remain single, you must decide what is more important.

Get honest with yourself and ask yourself these questions to figure out what is really holding you back:

Are these statements my way of protecting myself from pain?
Do I really and truly prefer living alone?
Where did this belief come from? (is it my belief or did someone else hand it to me when I was too young to know better?)
What is the scariest part of letting go of my independence/freedom?
What am I willing to let go of to have a successful relationship?
What must I keep to have a successful relationship?
What do I think will happen if I decide to let myself love someone? (rejection, losing myself, being controlled?)
Is this a case of sour grapes?

Dig deep as you answer these questions. Allow yourself to be open, acknowledging that you may be holding onto outdated beliefs. If you resist answering a question, ask yourself why. If the question makes you angry, it could be the exact question you need to focus on. Keep your responses and the insights you gain from this exercise in a journal. As always I encourage you to share your insights with a trusted friend or your relationship coach.

Remember to check out Bobbi Palmer’s blog today. She is also talking about limiting beliefs.