True Love Relationship Coaching

I was 40 years old when my late husband died. It was a terribly lonely time for me as you can relate to if you are a widow or widower reading this article. As much as I loved my late husband and considered him to be my soul mate, I knew that I did not want to spend the rest of my life alone. After he died, I wrestled with the idea of finding a new man to spend my life with.

I am writing about this topic because I know there are other young widows and widowers who have lost their spouses and who want to love again. There are plenty of obstacles that get in the way of even entertaining the thought of loving after loss.

Some are your own thoughts getting in the way:

• It is too soon (no matter how much time has passed)
• I will never be loved the way my late spouse loved me
• It is not possible to find the love I shared with my late spouse with someone new
• What would people think if I started dating?
• I feel like I would be cheating on my late spouse with a new person
• Do I have to stop loving my late spouse to love someone new?

Some obstacles come from other people:

• You are moving too fast (when you want to date after widowhood)
• It is too soon (echoing the thought in your own head)
• You need to focus on raising your children, not dating
• You had love, now give others a chance at happiness (how ridiculous is that?)
• This is your lot in life
• You are only supposed to marry once

All of these ideas are getting in the way of you being able to heal and live again. It is important for you to allow yourself time to go through your grief journey. In a way, you will grieve for the rest of your life, though the intensity of the grief will shift. Learning to give yourself permission to love again is part of this healing.

You have to do this in your own time. No one can tell you when you are ready. Of course, it is possible to rush into the arms of someone new for comfort and this often ends quickly. You might call it “rebound” behavior. If you think you are ready to love again but are not sure if you have done enough self-healing, it would be a good idea to talk with a trusted friend or a therapist or coach.

More about my story: eventually I did find a man to make a new life with and I am a happily remarried widow. “Widow” is still a part of who I am. I do not discount my experience and the memory of my late husband. I honor him. You, too, can honor the memory of your late spouse while finding love again.

My journey as a widow to a remarried woman convinced me that I needed to help others who want to find love after loss on their healing journey. I would love to interview you about your experience of widowhood. You can contact me through my web site, http://trueloverelationshipcoaching.com to set up a time for us to talk.