In a relationship it is very important to clear the air and get your needs met. This is especially important if you are a woman. Often, in the process, they end up feeling tired and resentful because they are not getting their needs met. Make a pledge to take care of yourself and nurture your relationship through dialogue today!

Dollar download: Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle here.

Get my book: Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over at here or get the downloadable version at here.

You and your spouse are different. You have two different brains! Even if you grew up in similar cultures with similar values, you still will have different thoughts and ways of understanding. In addition, men and women think differently because of socialization and physiological brain differences.

The best way I know to learn about how to relate to the one you love is through dialogue. This involves speaking from your heart and listening with a desire to understand. Give your relationship the gift of deep listening and speaking your truth in a gentle and loving way.

This is especially necessary for women, who, in general, tend to the needs of others before they take care of their own needs. Often, in the process, they end up feeling tired and resentful because they are not getting their needs met. Make a pledge to take care of yourself and nurture your relationship through dialogue today!

Dollar download: Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle here.

Get my book: Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over at here or get the downloadable version at here.

A bit about my book, Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over and the simplified e-book, Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle.

When you choose to make some changes in your own behavior, you can learn to relate from the heart with the one you love in such a wonderful way that you will easily rekindle the love that lead you to say “I do” in the first place!

Dollar download: Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle here.

Get my book: Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over at here or get the downloadable version at here.

Sometimes in your relationship you may get caught up in assuming you know what your spouse intended to do or why s/he behaves in a certain way. This video challenges you to be aware of thoughts that keep you stuck and to examine those thoughts instead of just automatically believing them.

Dollar download: Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle here.

Get my book: Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over at here or get the downloadable version at here.

A mirror is a reflecting device. Its function is to show what is there. It does not interpret what it “sees.” It simply gives back to the image before it exactly what is presented. In other words, when you look into a mirror, the mirror reflects back your image. That is all. You may look in the mirror and think, “Wow, I’m stunning!” or “Good grief, I’m fat!” but that is your interpretation, not the mirror’s point of view.

You may not be objective about what you see in the mirror. You can get mad at the mirror, but it is only showing you what is there physically. So what? What does this have to do with relationships?

One of the very powerful tools I teach my clients is called a “Mirroring Technique.” This tool helps clients who complain that their spouse doesn’t listen, they misunderstand each other, or they have other communication problems. It allows them to hear and deliberately repeat what the other says.

Sometimes a simple technique of repeating what you hear your spouse say can be a profound experience. The purpose of this exercise is to help each party to be heard and to be able to say, “Yes, you got it. That’s what I said.”

It’s a very simple tool, but often when my clients are first learning it, they make it more complicated. I explain the exercise to them, and then we give it a go, but it still takes some time to make it as simple as the exercise is supposed to be.

Here is an example. I’m the Relationship Coach (RC), so I guide them through the exercise:

Jane: I want us to go out more, like we used to when we were dating.
RC (to John): Would you repeat back to Jane what you just heard her say?
John: She’s bored and she wants us to go out like when we first together, but I work long hours, and we’re having some financial problems.
Jane: See? He doesn’t listen to me. That’s not what I said.

This is not mirroring. This is a great example of how this couple argues. John has interpreted the wife’s feelings, deciding that she is bored. He’s also gotten defensive and has begun to explain that he works long hours, adding some potential guilt about finances into the mix. Jane has reacted with frustration. This could easily degrade into a full-blown argument.

RC (to John): All right. Let’s back up a bit. What I want you to do is act like a mirror. All you are going to do is repeat, as best you can, exactly what you just heard Jane say. That’s all.
RC (to Jane): Would you say your sentence again, please?

Jane: I want to go out more with him, like we did when we were dating.
RC (to John): OK, your turn. Just tell her what you heard her say, as close as you can to her actual words.
John: You want to go out more with me, like we did when we were dating.

RC: Excellent! Now, John, ask Jane if you got it right.
John: Is that right?
Jane: Yes, he got it.
RC: John, next ask Jane if there is more.
John: Is there anything else?

And this goes on in a very structured way until both have been able to say what they need to say and to have their words mirrored back. This technique is powerful because everyone has his or her own unique brain. No two brains are alike. When you hear something, you automatically filter it through your own brain. Your experiences, your beliefs, your biases, and opinions all come together to create an interpretation of what you heard.

When you mirror back what you heard as close to verbatim as possible, you come closer to connecting to the other person. You refrain from interpreting and you open the communication so you can really listen.

My job is to help them slow down and back up when they begin to interpret what the other person means. Mind reading and interpreting are automatic responses, and this exercise makes you stop and think, and really open your ears to what is being said.

This is only one part of helping you improve their communication with the one you love. Once you can mirror each other easily, you can begin to ask for what you want and negotiate together, as you create your very own happily ever after. It can be awkward at first, but it is worth it!

If you want to learn more, check out my book, Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over.

“Andrew might be free, but there was built into him a carefully detailed program concerning his behavior toward human beings: a neural channel that…was there to discourage him from giving any sort of offense. It was only by the tiniest steps that he dared advance. Open disapproval would set him back months.”

From The Positronic Man, by Isaac Asimov and Robert Silverberg

Have you ever been on the receiving end of someone’s unkind words? Maybe they said them without thinking. Maybe you received an email, a phone call, or got a post on your social media that was unkind, or even mean. Maybe the person who was cruel to you did so to your face. How did you deal with it?

• Did you blow it off, chalking it up to that person having a problem?
• Did you retaliate, saying something even more vicious?
• Did you spread rumors about the person who delivered those unkind or mean words?
• Did you respond with words of kindness?
• Did you retreat from the world, so that no one would see your pain?

Maybe you thought about it and decided to let it go. Maybe you are like a duck, letting water roll off your back easily. Maybe you’re a really tough cookie, and what people say and think really doesn’t bother you. You don’t give it a second thought.

But what if you are a highly sensitive person? Unkind words delivered in a thoughtless manner can devastate a highly sensitive person.

Can you relate to this?

If someone says something mean to you (or does something cruel, intentionally or unintentionally), you have a hard time brushing it off.

• You may think about it constantly.
• It may affect how you function for a few hours, or even the rest of the day.
• You may still be thinking about it when you go to bed, and it may keep you awake.
• You may find that you begin thinking about yourself negatively.
• You may get angry, but you tend to feel more sad and depressed about the situation.
• You may begin to doubt your self-worth.
• You may call in sick, even if the event wasn’t work-related.
• You may find that you begin to cry if anyone asks if you are all right.

If you tend to be highly sensitive, don’t think something is wrong with you or you were taught to take things too personally. Elaine N. Aron, author of The Highly Sensitive Person, has researched the subject thoroughly and found that often people are born highly sensitive.

I guess that at one time or another, most people have felt sensitive about unkind words or actions they were the target of. And I think that many people have the ability to let go of it quickly and move on with their lives. Highly Sensitive People, however, have a harder time letting it go. They may take it personally and begin to believe the words that were directed at them.

If you can relate to this topic, you are not alone. Just because you may be a Highly Sensitive Person, this doesn’t mean that you are flawed. Not at all. You just process information differently. This quality may also make you extra sensitive to the needs of others.

Because of your ability to sense when people are in distress, you may be likely to measure your behaviors more carefully, to avoid inflicting harm on others through your words or actions. That’s a wonderful thing!

If you are reeling from emotional distress related to people’s behavior toward you, I would love to help. Together we can create a plan to help you address the feelings that result from the unkind words or behaviors of others and get you back on your personal path to success and happiness, as a Highly Sensitive (and highly functional) Person.

Life can be so hectic for couples that they go for long periods without being intimate. This can cause grumblings on both sides. If you think scheduling time for sex is unsexy, think again. There are benefits to scheduling time for intimacy. One of the first benefits is anticipation! This video explores some ideas for making scheduled intimacy fun.

Dollar download: Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle here.

Get my book: Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over at here or get the downloadable version at here.

If you are a couple that wants to keep your relationship fresh and passionate, it’s important to schedule regular date nights. Here are some ideas to get you started.

Dollar download: Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle here.

Get my book: Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over at here or get the downloadable version at here.

If you are in a relationship with someone who plays junior attorney when you argue and you feel like you’re always being cross-examined, here are some tips to help you keep your thoughts straight and to calm yourself so that you can state your point of view with greater ease and confidence.

Dollar download: Creating Happily Ever After: Golden Nuggets from Michelle here.

Get my book: Creating Happily Ever After: A Marriage Manual for What to Do After the Honeymoon is Over at here or get the downloadable version at here.