Raise your hand if you want to be accountable with me!

As I was doing my daily walk today, I was thinking about you. Yes, I’m always thinking about my readers, my clients, and potential clients.

I was thinking about how difficult it is to make the changes that you (and I) say you want. I know for a fact that most diets DO work. What doesn’t work for too many people is keeping the motivation going to meet your weight loss goals.

I know that marriage counseling and relationship coaching DO work. The tough part is keeping your word to do the things you and your coach (or therapist) come up with that will help you reach your goals.

It takes motivation and dedication to keep going when you don’t see immediate results. I know. I’m training for this half marathon and I’m making some drastic changes in my diet. I’m like most Americans born under the Age of Instant Gratification (aka the Age of McDonalds). I want it NOW!

I hope I have your attention. This stuff is worth it. It’s worth it to work on your goal of creating your very own happily ever after.

What you need to help it work is accountability. So here’s my thought. I am starting an accountability group in the morning, at least 3 days a week. It doesn’t matter if you’re my client or not. You are welcome to join.

Here’s what we’ll do:

• A 1-2 minute check in per person on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.
• You say what your goal is for that day.
• On the next call you share your progress on your goal and tell what your next step is for that goal or share another goal if that goal is complete.
• For example: my goal is to walk daily. When I become comfortable (or bored) with my 4 miles, I will start adding jogging to it. I will gradually add more miles. If this is my goal, I can continue to modify it and tell the group about my progress.

For you it may be a weight goal, a relationship goal, a business goal, a personal goal. It doesn’t matter. What matters is that if you participate in this accountability group, you will be accountable to the group for your progress.

This is not a coaching group. It’s just to help you with motivation and sticking to the goals you have set by telling someone else (us) what you plan to do, then reporting that you have done it.

Sound like fun?

Great. I’d love for you to join me. I’ll be connecting with you through my Ask Michelle Anything link to give you the call in information, so if you’re already on that list, you don’t have to do a thing. If not, sign up here.

We’ll meet starting Monday, March 21 at 7:00 am pacific, 10:00 am eastern. For those of you who know how much of a night owl I am, this is quite early for me. Part of my accountability to myself is getting up earlier so I can do my walk before I start my day.

Let me know what you think and tell me if you want to participate.

Thanks, Michelle

(make sure you scroll down to see the fun videos and the holiday specials good for only a few more days)

When my husband, Al, died in August 2007 I didn’t want to do anything for Christmas. My parents, who are missionaries in Uganda, invited me to spend Christmas and New Years with them that year.

It was quite different to celebrate the holiday in East Africa and perhaps just the change I needed. My Mom and Dad are in charge of Rafiki Village, a place where over 100 children who were orphaned now live.

To watch these children sing carols and see their trees decorated with sweets (candy), cotton balls, handmade ornaments, and balloons was so wonderful.

The day after Christmas is Boxing Day and the children opened their presents on this day. I think they all got one of the same things, like an article of clothing, and one fun gift, like earrings for the girls and a toy truck for the boys. Very simple, but these children had not known such luxuries previously, and they were very excited.

In the early afternoon they took their Christmas trees to a place where they had created a bonfire to torch the trees (they dispose of many things with controlled burning). Each time the balloons popped from the fire, the children would scream with delight. Their pleasures were simple.

Ten children live in individual homes with a “mama” and an “auntie.”  Some of these mamas and aunties are single, but others are widows, even younger than I was when Al died. These children and women had experienced severe losses at such a young age.

I was still in a deep “widow’s fog” that Christmas, yet I did appreciate that these Ugandan women and children were still able to express joy and appreciation despite their sorrows. It’s a lesson I still seek to learn.

If you wish to learn more about the Rafiki foundation, click here: http://www.rafiki-foundation.org/

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Fun Holiday Stuff:

These things are very strange, but my nieces were watching them on You Tube for hours today. They’re called Sing-a-ma-jigs. It’s a 30 second video:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3c8xLrLuIBg

This is a house with synchronized lights playing Trans-Siberian Orchestra’s Christmas Eve Sarajevo (Carol of the Bells). It’s quite impressive, though my sister and I laughed throughout. It is Disney-esque.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g0IwpRzWL_4

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Holiday Prices end December 31:

From now until then end of 2010 I’m offering individual and couples coaching at a special holiday rate. Contact me today to schedule your free Get Acquainted session.

Set up your coaching sessions before 12-31-2010 and receive 50% off my customary rate. The prices return to the regular rates on New Year’s Day, so get the best deal on some Relationship Coaching ASAP!

Give your relationship a boost with
True Love Relationship Coaching Webinars for Couples!
http://tinyurl.com/2g84ekt

Scholarship Program
For those who need coaching but who are also experiencing some financial hardships, I have a coaching slot open in my Scholarship Program. Sign up here: http://trueloverelationshipcoach.com/scholarship.html

I wish you a joyful holiday season! Michelle

Yesterday was Thanksgiving and some of you may have celebrated so hard that you’re just now awakening from your turkey coma.

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Holiday Gift ideas:

Did you really just say that to me?

I never thought I would be one of those people who said, “Unless you have been through it, you don’t understand it.” Yet, here I am, saying this very thing. As a member of the young widowed club, a club everyone who stays with their love “till death do us part” will eventually, though unwillingly, join, I am always appreciative when people express their condolences, even though it has been over three years since my late husband died.

What I do not appreciate, and the young widowed community will back me up one hundred percent, is when people offer their unsolicited advice about “moving on” or tell me that I “should” be doing something they think is beneficial based on their total lack of understanding of what it is like to lose a beloved spouse.

I realize that I will have both admirers and detractors when I put myself out there to talk about my program, From Loss to Love Again, and that I am going to receive praise, criticism, and unsolicited advice. I could sit back and do nothing, helping no one, but what good will that do?

I have said this before, and I am repeating myself, but unfortunately this message bears repeating: if you want to help someone who is grieving a loss, express your sorrow at their having lost someone they love and stick around. Offer your support, your listening skills, and your shoulder to cry on. Resist the temptation to offer unsolicited advice. Here are some things you really need to avoid saying, no matter how sorely you are tempted:

• It’s time for you to move on
• No one will want you if you keep pictures of your dearly departed in your house
• Haven’t you mourned long enough?
• When are you going to start dating again?
• You have to let go of the memories of your late spouse to accept new love in your life
• You can’t keep talking about your late spouse with your new love
• Why don’t you just let him/her go already?
• Why aren’t you happier?
• You need to just focus on raising your children and not dating again
• It’s too soon for you to date

These are just a few things that I have either been told personally or that others in the young widowed community have shared. If you are guilty of giving this kind of advice, please stop. If you are widowed and have been on the receiving end of this unintentionally (I hope) cruel and callous unsolicited advice, know that you have a lot of support from others who do understand what you’re going through.

It doesn’t matter to me if you have been widowed for ten years and you still don’t want anyone but your late spouse. I don’t care if you lost your beloved six months ago and you’re ready to marry again. These are your personal choices and it’s none of anyone else’s business, not even mine. You have to decide what is best for you. Let go of the hurtful words of those who are well-meaning yet haven’t got a clue. Know that you must honor your grief journey in whatever way you need to.

I’d love to hear your thoughts and comments. There’s a box right below this post just waiting for you to write in it!

I would love to offer you my free audio report, “From Loss to Love Again: 7 Steps to prepare to love again after loss” at http://fromlosstoloveagain.com.

Do you have a burning question about dating? Marriage? Being single? Divorce? Widowhood? Finding love again after loss? Making your good marriage great? Troubles with inlaws? Sexual frustrations?

Whatever your question about relationships, Michelle Vasquez would love to answer them. The sky’s the limit. Michelle has over 17 years experience working with singles and couples, with a growing specialty in helping widows find love after loss. Here’s your chance to pick Michelle’s brain.

Webinar times vary to allow greater attendance flexibility, so sign up to receive notice of class times and dates. http://askmichelleanything.com

Generally, you can Ask Michelle Anything on the first and third Tuesday evenings and the second and fourth Saturday mornings, but to make sure you are kept up to date, and in case there are unexpected changes, sign up now! http://askmichelleanything.com. The webinars are recorded and you will receive the replay if you cannot attend and ask your question live, but only if you sign up.

1st and 3rd Tuesdays
5:00 PM Pacific/8:00 PM Eastern

2nd and 4th Saturdays
9:00 AM Pacific/12:00 PM Eastern

I encourage you to take advantage of these weekly webinars. Ask me anything!

If you live in Orange County, I will be holding a live event on August 12. To sign up and get more details click here.

How do you know when you are ready to find love again after loss? If you have been widowed, survived a painful divorce or break up, or lost someone dear to you by other means, you may still be grieving, but also feeling very lonely. How can you make a clear-headed decision about finding love again when you are in this state?

In this informative meeting, you will receive lots of great content to help you prepare to love again!

• Understand how important the grief journey is to your ability to find love again.
• Avoid the pitfalls of making a hasty, inappropriate match because of loneliness.
• Discover the key elements needed to determine if you’re ready to find love again.
• Understand the essential requirements to make a relationship work for you.
• Learn the 7 steps to finding love after loss.

Come prepared with your questions and your appetite for learning. This meeting will be content-rich, so bring something to take notes on.

We will meet at a dining establishment, so be prepared to order something to eat, even if it’s just a dessert or something you take home.

I look forward to meeting you there! Michelle

My favorite waltz with my late husband.

I was 40 years old when my late husband died. It was a terribly lonely time for me as you can relate to if you are a widow or widower reading this article. As much as I loved my late husband and considered him to be my soul mate, I knew that I did not want to spend the rest of my life alone. After he died, I wrestled with the idea of finding a new man to spend my life with.

I am writing about this topic because I know there are other young widows and widowers who have lost their spouses and who want to love again. There are plenty of obstacles that get in the way of even entertaining the thought of loving after loss.

Some are your own thoughts getting in the way:

• It is too soon (no matter how much time has passed)
• I will never be loved the way my late spouse loved me
• It is not possible to find the love I shared with my late spouse with someone new
• What would people think if I started dating?
• I feel like I would be cheating on my late spouse with a new person
• Do I have to stop loving my late spouse to love someone new?

Some obstacles come from other people:

• You are moving too fast (when you want to date after widowhood)
• It is too soon (echoing the thought in your own head)
• You need to focus on raising your children, not dating
• You had love, now give others a chance at happiness (how ridiculous is that?)
• This is your lot in life
• You are only supposed to marry once

All of these ideas are getting in the way of you being able to heal and live again. It is important for you to allow yourself time to go through your grief journey. In a way, you will grieve for the rest of your life, though the intensity of the grief will shift. Learning to give yourself permission to love again is part of this healing.

You have to do this in your own time. No one can tell you when you are ready. Of course, it is possible to rush into the arms of someone new for comfort and this often ends quickly. You might call it “rebound” behavior. If you think you are ready to love again but are not sure if you have done enough self-healing, it would be a good idea to talk with a trusted friend or a therapist or coach.

More about my story: eventually I did find a man to make a new life with and I am a happily remarried widow. “Widow” is still a part of who I am. I do not discount my experience and the memory of my late husband. I honor him. You, too, can honor the memory of your late spouse while finding love again.

My journey as a widow to a remarried woman convinced me that I needed to help others who want to find love after loss on their healing journey. I would love to interview you about your experience of widowhood. You can contact me through my web site, http://trueloverelationshipcoaching.com to set up a time for us to talk.