Every morning between 4:00 and 4:30 a.m., without fail, my cat Buffy jumps on the bed, intending to wake me up so she can get me to feed her. You may wonder how I know my cat’s intentions. Well, animals are great communicators if you know how to tap into what they are telling you.

When I get up, Buffy runs out of the room and toward the kitchen. Without fail, I close the door so she cannot jump on me and awake me again. Maui, my other cat, remains sleeping contentedly on the bed during this morning ritual. She is not as persistently “food-focused” as Buffy is.

What makes Buffy so persistent, given that every morning is the same thing? She wakes me; I close the door. Every morning. Although I can understand what she wants from me, I do not understand why she doesn’t eventually give up. If it were me and I got the same rejection every day for over 18 months, I would be more likely to say, “Forget this; what I need is opposable thumbs so I can get my own food!”

Maui and Buffy are nearing their second birthdays, so I would think they would know the routine by now. Javier feeds them when he gets up, which is fairly early, but not as early as Buffy wants her breakfast.

As she woke me this morning, I realized that there is a lesson here about being persistent in the face of disappointments and rejection. No, I don’t mean you should become a stalker if the one you are interested in has given clear and regular signs that s/he does not return your affections.

I like to think of it as staying hopeful even in the face of disappointments. Striving toward the goals, dreams, and visions for your life, despite setbacks and unwanted detours is difficult. It also brings some pretty awesome rewards if you can stay focused.

How persistent are you? How easy is it for you to persist when you cannot see progress at the rate and speed you expect?

What if your relationship with the one you love is feeling heavy and stuck? How persistent are you in working toward resolution? In seeking answers? In maintaining hope that you can work it out?

Please remember that you do not have to figure it all out all alone. That’s why I do what I do. I help people who are struggling with their relationships to find their own answers and create the solutions that work for them. I also help you to remain in a state of hope while you seek to define your answers and create a plan of action. I help you stay focused and accountable to what you want to achieve in your relationship goals.

Take this lesson from my cat, Buffy, and maintain that optimism, realizing that you do not have to do it alone. I invite you to talk with me about how we can work together. You can simply reply to this email and we’ll set a time to have a no obligation chat to talk about your relationship goals and how I can help you with them.

Don’t look your spouse in the eyes unless you have the look of love!

Don\’t Look At Me With That Tone of Face!

Apparently WordPress won’t allow me to embed my video here, so please follow the link to You Tube and watch and enjoy!

Face to face contact with those you love is necessary to thrive

My life has been quite different since I moved to California at the tail end of 2008. I haven’t seen my mother or grandmother in 2 years. I last saw my sister during Christmas. I am so blessed to be visiting with 4 generations of my family at once in just a few days!

Do you sometimes feel disconnected from loved ones? I know that technology helps to connect us in ways that were not possible even 50 years ago, much less 200 years.

I’m a Jane Austen fanatic. I love the romance of manners and letter writing. As I was reading one of the many Pride and Prejudice spin-offs last night, I realized that letter writing served a bigger function than I had thought about previously. It was not only to deliver news to loved ones, it served as a kind of journal of people’s lives. Letters were kept and reread.

It was like receiving the newspaper, only the news was about your loved ones. Letters, unless they were private, were shared with other family members, read aloud, talked about, analyzed, and of course, responded to with more news from the recipient.

Social media helps us with this function. We are able to connect with others at the touch of a button and get responses within minutes as opposed to days or even months in previous times.

Still, it is imperative that we get together face to face. Nothing comes close to our ability to physically reach out and touch someone. We need that physical contact. We are social creatures who need face to face time with others to survive and thrive. So I hope you hug your loved ones today! I look forward to my face to face time with those dear to me. If we’re connected on Facebook, I’ll post pictures, maybe even videos.

I’d love to hear from you about what you’re up to and how you get that face to face time with the ones you love!

Do you have a burning question about dating? Marriage? Being single? Divorce? Widowhood? Finding love again after loss? Making your good marriage great? Troubles with inlaws? Sexual frustrations?

Whatever your question about relationships, Michelle Vasquez would love to answer them. The sky’s the limit. Michelle has over 17 years experience working with singles and couples, with a growing specialty in helping widows find love after loss. Here’s your chance to pick Michelle’s brain.

Webinar times vary to allow greater attendance flexibility, so sign up to receive notice of class times and dates. http://askmichelleanything.com

Generally, you can Ask Michelle Anything on the first and third Tuesday evenings and the second and fourth Saturday mornings, but to make sure you are kept up to date, and in case there are unexpected changes, sign up now! http://askmichelleanything.com. The webinars are recorded and you will receive the replay if you cannot attend and ask your question live, but only if you sign up.

1st and 3rd Tuesdays
5:00 PM Pacific/8:00 PM Eastern

2nd and 4th Saturdays
9:00 AM Pacific/12:00 PM Eastern

Has your marriage fallen into a predictable, boring pattern?

Do you revisit old arguments that have no easy resolutions, yet you keep hashing and rehashing them, until you could just scream?

Do you sometimes wonder what life would be like if you didn’t have to live with the man you once adored?

If you are married to a good man, but you are stuck and you want to find the passion that once was fully alive in your relationship, we need to talk! You are a woman who values your marriage and you’re committed to it, but you want it to be something more.

You remember the days when you first met, before bills, children, house payments, and all those other necessary things that come with building a family together got “in the way” and made things so complicated. You miss the man who was once your best friend.

You find you argue more than you kiss. You throw daggers at each other with your eyes instead of gazing lovingly at each other. You want peace. You want harmony. You want your sweetheart back again.

Here’s the truth: you can have this again. You can recreate the love that has been buried under bills, family, mortgages, and work. You were once so in love that you said “I do” to the man you are with, right? That love is still there. You can reclaim it.

Talk to me today about how I can help you reverse the arguments and rekindle the flame of love in your marriage.

Hi, I’m Michelle Vásquez with True Love Relationship Coaching. I have over 18 years experience as a Licensed Professional Counselor in Texas working with couples helping them learn communication and problem-solving skills.

With my training and background as a marriage therapist helping couples solve their marital problems, I understand couples at a deep level.

With my gentle, yet structured style of relationship coaching, I am the best person to help couples tease out the issues that keep them stuck on the Hamster Wheel of Conflict, and help them find the path to Happily Ever After.

I specialize in helping women reconnect with their husbands. I love helping couples work together to renew their love for each other. It’s not lost, it’s just asking to be remembered.

Even if your husband is not interested or willing to join you in your quest to create a happier marriage, you and I can do some great work together that will help you learn what you can do to improve your relationship.

Who do you know who is looking for a respite from the conflict of her marriage? I can help. Together we’ll create a plan of action to help her remember why she said, “I do” to the one she loves.

Soon I will offer the Relating From the Heart ™ Process workshops via the Internet, so sign up for my free report at http://trueloverelationshipcoaching.com (or look to the right hand column and get your report there if you’re already on my web site). I will make sure to keep you informed about upcoming workshops.

The Relating from the Heart™ Process created by Michelle Vásquez is a step-by-step method designed to help married women over 40 learn dynamic ways to relate at the heart level and rekindle a sense of passion with the man in her life.

Through experiential methods you learn highly effective skills of compassionate listening, communication and problem-solving by reconnecting with and remembering the deep feelings that led you to say “I do” to your husband.

If you love your husband but you’re not “in love” with him, together we will work to rekindle the love that is not lost, but is simply asking to be remembered.

My two cents on how marriage maintenance can help your marriage to thrive and expanding your relationship tool box.

What’s New?

Have you gotten your e-book/audio?

I’m doing something new and you get to be the first to see it. That is, unless you are receiving this message as a plain text email. If what you see looks like a page of my web site, then you are seeing the newthing I’m up to today.

On tap for Saturday, August 28, is the next Ask Michelle Anything webinar.

On the subject of marriage:

You and I are like two little kids walking down the same road. We choose to keep the same pace so that we remain side by side. We like each other’s company and, besides, walking side-by-side has the added benefit that when either one of us trips, the other is there to help. Isn’t that the whole point?

Adalberto Vásquez, 1945-2007

Choose your life partner carefully

If you are seeking a relationship you need to understand your Requirements for a happy, successful relationship at the very beginning of your search for the one for you. It is also important that you be judicious in selecting your Requirements. Too many and you will rule out most eligible partners; too few and you come across as desperate or a doormat.

Hopefully, there are three Requirements that make your list without much thought. These are the Trinity of all deal-breakers: addiction, abuse, and control. If you have grown up in a relatively healthy, stable home, you probably do not even think about these, and if you met someone with these behaviors you would run in the opposite direction as quickly as possible.

If, on the other hand, you grew up in an alcoholic family where abuse and control were the norm, you may not realize that such suffering is not necessary, nor should it be tolerated. Let us take a look at each of these deal-breakers in more detail.

• Addiction: drug and alcohol addiction are very destructive habits. Behaviors such as gambling and promiscuity are labeled addictions, but I tend to define them as compulsive behaviors. Either way, serious compulsive or addictive behaviors will wreak havoc in any relationship. Getting involved with someone with an active problem such as these is unwise.

• Abuse: obviously, any type of physical abuse is completely unacceptable in a relationship. Get to know the history of your potential love interest. Ask whether there has been a history of violence either in the family of origin or in adult relationships. Often, it is more difficult to determine whether abuse is emotional. Keep an eye out for name-calling, blaming, hurtful statements disguised as jokes, acting like nothing is wrong, refusing to take personal responsibility for bad behavior, and other signs that the person may use emotional abuse as a substitute for grown up communication when there is a problem.

• Control: anyone who has a “my way or the highway” mentality is going to make things difficult in a relationship. Control can also take the form of manipulating to get your way, deception, and outright threatening to make someone do what you want. Some controlling people believe there is only one right way to do things, meaning that your way is always wrong. If you suspect that your love interest is a control freak, get out now. Control freaks do not play well with others nor do they share.

If you value yourself you will take your time and choose your life-partner carefully. If you are a man and wondering how you can make dating easier, you need Facilidating: Dating Made Easy for Men.